Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
