11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He has the fingertips of a God
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