God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
