Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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