Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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