i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
