3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
