when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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