me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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