What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
