Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
