I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
