Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
