At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
