remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
