So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
