why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
