also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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