Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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