Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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