just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
