the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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