Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
