Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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