its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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