my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
