why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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