had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
