Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found a bag of teeth...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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