oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
