member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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