I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
