her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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