are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
