you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
