Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
