I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
