Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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