so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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