just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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