I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
