I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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