She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
