im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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