I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
