$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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