I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
