I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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