Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
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