no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
