My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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