Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
