If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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