This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
