I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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