sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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