my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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