Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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