i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
