Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
