please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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