so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
