I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
