he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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